Randy the Randomness God
by Thalia Grace DaughterofZeus13
Summary: Randy the randomness god is a minor god with nack for causing trouble. These are short stories about him and his half-blood children. Extreme randomness throughout story. Rated T due to my Paranoia.
1. Chapter 1

**This is an idea my sister and I thought of one day. I have to give my sister credit: she thought of the name Randy the Randomness god. I hope you enjoy my story about him and his children.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson or the Greek gods.**

**Chapter 1: Randy the Randomness god**

Randy was a minor god. The god of Randomness was not considered very important in Olympus. Who cared about randomness? Plus he was an annoying god, who really annoyed all minor and major gods alike. He was irresponsible, irritating, and he did the most random things at the most random times.

He had lots of demigod children, mostly because he just appeared to random women and tried to have children with them. This was not the best strategy in the world. Nevertheless, he had lots of children. His two favorite children were a girl named Ainsley and a boy named Wilson. These two were often known for annoying heroes like Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Nico Di Angelo, and others for doing…basically the same things as their father.

Randy didn't have a whole lot of responsibility. Oh sure, he had some, but you only have so much to do with randomness. So Randy had lots of spare time to "hang around with" (aka-annoy) the other gods. If he couldn't find anything to do in Olympus, sometimes he would go to Camp Half-Blood. Mr. D and Chiron were never very happy about these visits. Randy usually interrupted the heroes training quite a bit. Once he let a whole herd of cows in the camp in the middle of dinner. Chiron was not pleased. "You completely ruined dinner!" he had cried. "It will be ages before we clean all the manure out of the Mess Hall!" Another time, he enchanted the strawberry plants to dance in a chorus line all around the camp. Mr. D was furious. "You are never to touch my strawberry plants again!" he had yelled at the top of his voice, which is so loud a sound the half-bloods swore you could hear him from Greece.

He caused trouble at Olympus too. He had hidden Hermes's phone once. By the time Hermes found it, he had 773,683,942 messages to answer. He had let monkeys loose at the muses concert, which was full of dryads. It hadn't ended well. And another time….well, you get the idea.

These are just some of the things Randy the Randomness god will do you attention and randomness. He kids are just the same. And these aren't even the worst things he's done…

**What do you think? The next chapter will start the stories about Randy, and his children, too. I just wanted to, introduce him first. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**February 3****rd**** is Randy the Randomness god day! Be random! **

**Here we go, first story:**

**Why Randy the Randomness God is not allowed to use frying pans.**

Randy the randomness god was bored. He had finished all his duties for the day, and he had nothing to do. He decided to take a walk around Olympus. As he approached the palace, he saw a pile of metal work that had been brought over from Camp Half-Blood to be fixed. This pile was already fixed, and was ready to be brought back. On top of the pile was a frying pan. He walked over and picked it up.

"This is what I need." He said, examining it. "Wonderfully random." He decided to make eggs. But because gods only ate Ambrosia and Nectar, there were no eggs on Olympus. "I'll go to Camp Half-Blood." He decided. "Maybe they will have some eggs I can use."

**Camp Half-Blood**

Percy Jackson was extremely annoyed. Ainsley, daughter of Randy the randomness god, had been following him all afternoon. In Percy's opinion, Ainsley and her brothers and sisters were the most irritating people in the world. Unfortunately, they thought he and his friends where the best people in the world. And they never left them alone.

"Percy! Where are you going? Are you going to see Annabeth? Nico? Rachel? Thalia? Are you going to-"

"Ainsley, would you please go away?"

"Why? Do you not like me? Do you like potatoes?" she burst into tears.

Percy sighed. He patted Ainsley on the back. "Don't cry. I'm leaving now." He ran away.

Ainsley was still crying when suddenly her father, Randy the randomness god, appeared.

"Daddy!" Ainsley cried.

"Hello, Ainsley. How are you?"

"Fine!"

"Good. I was wondering of you had any eggs I could borrow."

"Um…I don't know. We should ask Chiron, come on!"

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Ainsley and Randy went up to the big house. Chiron and Mr. D were on the porch. Chiron looked alarmed when he saw Randy.

"Oh, Lord Randy the Randomness God! What do we owe this, ah, pleasure?"

"I need some eggs."

"Oh, um…ok. We can get those for you. One minute." Chiron went to get him eggs.

Percy, Annabeth, and Grover were walking nearby when Percy cried, "Oh! It's Randy the Randomness god!"

"Oh no." Annabeth groaned. "Look busy!"

But it was too late. Randy had seen them. "Mr. Jackson! Miss Chase! Mr. Underwood! Come join us!"

They groaned but came over. "Hello, Lord Randy." Annabeth said. "How are you?"

"Fine, just fine. Cow!"

"Er…what?"

"Cow! Don't you think it's just wonderfully random to yell cow out of nowhere?"

"Um, sure."

Chiron came back with a carton off eggs. "Here you go, sir."

"Thank you! See you later, all!" he disappeared.

"He's gone." Annabeth sighed. "Thank the gods."

Just then, figs poured out of the upstairs window and on to their heads. Ainsley laughed. Percy clenched his fists.

"Him!"

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Randy went back to Olympus. He took his frying pan and started making eggs. As he was making the eggs, Aphrodite walked over. "Hi Randy! What are you doing? Are you making eggs?" she continued talking. As she was talking, Randy decided he needed to do something random. She he picked up the pan and hit Aphrodite in the head.

"Ow! Randy!"

"Randomness guy! What are you doing to the lady?" Ares came over. He looked quite threatening. Randy shrugged and hit him too. Then he hit Aphrodite again. Hephaestus ran over to help, and got hit. Demeter ran over…and got hit. Artemis, Athena, and Hestia ran over together with swords, and got hit. Hermes and Apollo ran over. Zeus and Poseidon came too. Soon, Randy was hitting all of them with the frying pan.

Zeus, Hermes, and Aphrodite were all on the ground, and most of the others were standing on top of them. Apollo had his foot in Aphrodite's mouth. She was screaming, and hitting him in the leg. Ares was attempting to punch Randy, but he kept getting hit in the face with the frying pan.

Demeter was screaming, just like Aphrodite, much to the annoyance of Artemis. Athena was yelling, "RANDY THE RANDOMNESS GOD, STOP HITTING US WITH THIS PAN RIGHT NOW, OR SO HELP ME I WILL STRANGLE YOU, AND FEED YOU TO THE MOST TERRIBLE MONSTERS I CAN FIND, AND THROW YOUR BONES INTO THE TARTURAS PIT! YOU IDIOT GOD…" this continued for a while.

Finally, Zeus managed to send a lighting strike into the air. Randy jumped and fell the ground. Apollo tackled him and pinned him down. Just for the fun of it, Artemis jumped on top of Apollo and pinned him to Randy.

15 minutes later, Randy was chained to a chair in front of the entire council of Olympus.

"He hit me in the face with a frying pan!" Aphrodite sobbed hysterically.

Zeus scowled. "Aphrodite-"

"He messed up my hair and my makeup-"

"Aphrodite-"

"And then Apollo stood in my mouth-"

"APHRODITE! Will you please calm down?"

Aphrodite fell silent. Zeus turned to Randy. "I hereby decree that Randy the Randomness god is never allowed to have a frying pan again. All in favor?"

Everybody raised their hand. Aphrodite held up both her hands. By the hearth, Hestia raised her hand too, even thought her vote didn't count.

**I'm sorry it took me so very long to update! Please review. I know this story is kind of pointless and stupid, but hey, sometimes you have to write pointless stupid stories. **


	3. Chapter 3

**The next story:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson. Moo.**

**Why Randy the Randomness God is not allowed to throw a party**

**Olympus**

Randy the Randomness god was sitting with the god Apollo in the gardens.

"You know, Randy," Apollo said, "A week from today, it will be exactly a year after the second titan war."

"I know." Randy said.

"You know what we should do? We should have a party. They're having a party at camp half-blood, I know, and we should have one here. We could invite some of the heroes that are responsible for our victory…er, the ones that are still alive, anyway, like Percy Jackson, obviously, and others."

"Yes!" Randy nodded excitedly. "I'll plan it!"

"Oh, ah…that won't be necessary, Randy-"

"No, I want to!" he ran off.

"Oh, no." Apollo groaned. 

**0000000ooooooo000000**

Randy was excited. He had a week to plan a party. He knew he would need some help. He decided to go to camp half-blood and find some half bloods to help him.

Ainsley, one of his favorite children, was sitting by the canoeing lake when Randy arrived.

"Daddy!" Ainsley cried.

"Hi, Ainsley. Listen, I need your help. I'm planning a party on Olympus. I need demigod helpers. Can you gather some of your siblings?"

"Already on it!" Ainsley called.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Randy met some of his kids outside of their cabin. Ainsley was there with three of Randy's other kids, Wilson, Leah, and Sophie.

"Hi dad." said Wilson.

"Reporting for duty." Leah said.

"What they said." Sophie agreed.

"Moo." Ainsley said.

"Good! Everybody come with me, we're going to Olympus!" Randy said.

"Yay!" cried Wilson.

"I can't wait!" Sophie said excitedly.

"This will be fun." Ainsley agreed.

"Corn!" Leah cheered.

And together they went to Olympus.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Once they were at Olympus, Randy assigned everybody jobs. "Ainsley and Leah, I want you to plan some games for the party. Wilson, I want you to find some sort of entertainment for the party. Sophie, I want you to put up decorations. I will find some food. Go!"

They all ran off in different directions.

Ainsley and Leah walked together. "We need to find good games for people to play at the party." Leah said. "Strawberry!"

"Right." Ainsley agreed. "We need-hammer-to find the best games ever."

"What about capture the flag?" Leah suggested.

They looked at each other. "Nah." They both said at the same time.

"We need something fun." Ainsley said. "Something…random."

"I like it!" Leah agreed. "Random…what's a good random game?"

"Well…fire! We play set your friend on fire! We give everyone torches, and they have a partner, and they have to set their partner on fire! And you and I can be running around, setting people on fire when they're not looking! First person to get a third-degree burn wins!" Ainsley said excitedly.

"Yes!" Leah said. "You're a genius! Cheese!"

"But we need at least three games." Ainsley said.

"Yeah…" Leah said, thinking. "I got it! We can play find the ribbon in the knife stack! It's like find the needle in the hay stack, only you have a huge pile of knives and you have to find the small ribbon that's in the pile somewhere!"

"I love it!" Ainsley screamed happily. "Now we just have to-peanut butter-think of one more."

They thought for a moment, and then both yelled at the same time, "Splash in the lemon juice rain!"

"We are brilliant." Leah said. "We'll set up some juice…things in some trees, and make it rain lemon juice. Then everyone can splash in it."

Ainsley nodded. "We better get started."

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Wilson went to go find the Nine Muses. They were great musicians, the best on Heaven and Earth, and they would be the best entertainment he could possibly get.

He found them practicing under some trees. "Hello!" he said loudly. They all stopped playing and looked at him.

"Uh…hi. My name is Wilson. My dad is Randy, the randomness god. So, we're having this party next week, and my dad wanted me to find some entertainment, so…will you play music for the party? Fish!"

They stared at him. He stared right back. "Will you please do it?" he started walking closer, but he tripped and fell into a rose bush.

"Ouch!" he screamed. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, and ow!" he started jumping around screaming. He accidently kicked one of the muses. Apparently he looked like he was attacking them, because they all screamed and ran way. "No, come back, please, I need you to play music at my…and you're gone. Raisins."

He sighed and sat down. "Stupid thorns." He groaned. "What am I going to do now?" he put his head in his hands. Then he looked up. "I can play music."

I don't feel I need to describe this scene any further.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Sophie was walking around Olympus, trying to think of good decorations. "They have to be perfectly random." She said to herself. "Prune juice."

Then she had an idea. "Mudfalls!" she cried. "Instead of waterfalls, we have mudfalls. And pieces of broken glass hanging from streamers…this is good stuff. Mailman. I need to find pieces of glass I can break."

As it happened, she saw Hephaestus with a delivery of perfect pieces of glass he had gotten for working on. She had an idea.

She ran behind a tree. "Hephaestus!" she called in a perfect imitation of Aphrodite. "Is that you? I'm coming!"

"Oh no." Hephaestus said frantically. He put his glass down and ran away in the other direction as fast as he could. Sophie grinned.

"Worked like a charm." She picked up his glass and ran off.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

Randy was looking for food. He found a nymph doing some cooking, with some eggs in a frying pan, lots of ambrosia and nectar, and some spaghetti.

"Hello, my name is Randy the Randomness God, squirrel." He said to her.

"You're a squirrel?" she asked, confused.

"No." he said, giving her a strange look.

"Oh." She said after a minute. "I've heard of you. You're the guy who's not allowed to use frying pans!" she laughed, and then looked at her own frying pan, and hid it behind her back.

"Yeah, that's me." Randy said, not blushing a bit. "So listen, I'm having a party here next week, and I need food. Can I…borrow some of yours?"

"Borrow it?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "So you plan on giving it back? Cause I don't want to make a whole bunch of people throw up just so you can give me my food back."

"No…can I have some of it? Pretty please?" Randy begged. "Pants."

"Pants?" she muttered under her breath, and then said. "Tell you what, Randy the Randomness God. You can have my food…if I can go to your party."

"Deal." Randy said immediately. They shook hands.

"You can't have my frying pan, though." She added. "I don't want Zeus after me."

"Of course." Randy said, leaning down and getting some of her food.

"I have more, if you want it." She said. "My name is Wispy."

"Nice to meet you, Wispy." Randy yelled as he walked away. "Cat litter!"

Wispy just laughed as she walked away too.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

**A week later**

**The party**

Almost all of Camp Half-Blood came to the party. Percy, Annabeth, Nico, Thalia, Rachel, and Grover were at the front of the group.

"Oh my gods." Nico said, stopping short when he saw the party.

Mud was falling from the sky. There were streamers hanging around, with shards of glass dangling from them.

"That looks dangerous." Percy said.

Suddenly they heard the worst sound ever. "What is that absolutely horrible sound?" Annabeth yelled.

They all looked and saw Wilson trying to play the guitar, the violin, and the piano at the same time, while singing. It was dreadful. He didn't play the guitar, or the violin, or the piano well on their own, and he once won his school trophy for worst singer ever. And this was all those things combined. It was worse thing anything anyone had ever heard.

"How long is that going to go on?" Nico groaned.

"The whole party." A cheerful voice said. They turned and saw Randy.

"Oh my gods." Grover said in horror. "Randy, your randomness, sir, did you plan this party?"

"Of course I did!" Randy cried. The demigods almost burst into tears.

"Well…the food looks good." Rachel said, trying to look on the bright side.

"I didn't make the food." Randy admitted. "A nymph did."

"Let's go eat!"

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

"Ok." Leah said loudly. "This first game is called: Set your friend on fire."

Percy looked nervously at Annabeth, who was his partner. "I don't like this. Why do we have torches?"

"Now," Ainsley began "You have to set your partner on fire. First person to get a third-degree burn wins."

"WHAT?" everybody yelled.

"Go!" Leah and Ainsley yelled.

"I don't want to set you on fire." Percy told Annabeth.

"Yeah, I don't want to set you on fire either. Let's just-ow!" Annabeth screamed as her shirt started on fire. Leah was standing behind her, holding a torch. Thalia, who was standing next to them with her partner (Nico), tackled her to the ground.

"Stop, drop, and roll!" she yelled.

"You started my girlfriend on fire!" Percy shouted. "Are you insane?"

"Yes." Leah said.

"I'm ok!" Annabeth shouted.

"Next game!" Ainsley called.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

"Find the ribbon in the knife stack!" Ainsley and Leah yelled together.

"We should run." Nico said.

"Just crawl through the knife pile and find the ribbon!" Leah called cheerfully.

"Go!" Ainsley said. She pushed them each one by one into the pile.

Five minutes later, all of Camp Half Blood and some of the gods and nymphs were crawling around on the floor, bleeding. No one found the ribbon.

"Oh, darn, we forgot to put the ribbon in the pile!" Percy heard one of the girls yell.

**0000000ooooooo0000000**

"Last game!" Leah shouted. "Splash in the lemon juice rain!"

"Wait," Rachel said slowly, "We have cuts all over our bodies…"

"Oh!" everyone screamed. And soon everyone's cuts were burning from lemon juice.

Randy found Wispy standing next to him. "Great party." She said.

"You think so?" he asked.

"No, not really."

"Randy!" Zeus yelled. "You are never allowed to throw a party again! And neither are your children!"

Randy just stood there for a minute. Finally he said, "Porcupine."

Wispy laughed.

And that is why Randy the Randomness God is not allowed to throw a party.

**What do you think? Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, so have any of you read Truth or Dare Olympus style by Athyna DaughterofPoseidon? Well in case you didn't know, I'm a co-writer of that story (along with dancerattitude). In the last chapter of the story, Hestia is dared to write a love letter the Randy the Randomness God. This chapter is Randy's reaction to getting the letter. Don't worry; you should still be able to keep up with this story. Though if you're looking for something funny to read, I would totally recommend Truth or Dare Olympus Style.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson**

**The not-relationship of Randy and Hestia**

Hermes found Randy the Randomness God doing cartwheels for some probably stupid reason in Olympus. He approached cautiously. "Hello Randy."

"Ah, Hermes!" Randy cried. "How are you?"

"I'll be fine soon." Hermes assured him. "I have a letter for you…here it is."

"Thank-evil-you, my good god." Randy said.

Hermes tended to get a slight headache whenever Randy was around, so he left quickly. Randy opened his letter. "It's from the lovely goddess Hestia!" he said excitedly. He read the letter.

_ Dearest Randy,_

_ I am writing to inform you that I think your randomness is entirely charming. I love all of the creative, random things you think of. I absolutely swooned when you hit me with a frying pan._

_ Love,_

_ Hestia_

Randy then made a happy noise that sounded slightly like a dying animal, and got a big grin on his face. "Well this is the biggest news since cheese was invented! Hestia is in love with me!"

He then ran around in a circle doing a stupid looking happy dance. "I must find my princess! Fire! Ball-point pen! Ice cream!" he ran off, prancing throughout Olympus, causing others to stop and stare.

He found Hestia where she always was: at the hearth. "Hestia!" he yelled. She got a horrified expression when she saw him.

"Randy! Um…hello?"

"Hestia, my dearest darling! I have received your-chocolate milk-love letter, and have come to claim you as my love!"

Hestia groaned. "Randy…"

"Kiss me, my love."

"No!" Hestia cried.

"Please!"

"No."

"_Please?_"

"No, no, no, no, no, no-"

"Please, pretty please?"

"NO! Look, Randy, I only wrote that letter because-"

"Ah ha!" Randy yelled suddenly, making Hestia jump. "You said you loved it when I hit you with a frying pan! I'll do it again!"

"NO!" Hestia screamed, backing away from him. "I mean, that's not necessary, Randy, and besides, you're not allowed to have frying pans, remember?"

"Alas, you are right, my princess."

"Don't call me that."

"My love, then. Or perhaps my pineapple?"

"_What?_ Just Hestia will be fine, Randy."

"It is too bad I also can't throw a party." Randy said. "We need to-wooden stake-have a party to celebrate, of course…maybe Wispy will plan it…"

"What are we celebrating?" Hestia asked suspiciously. "No parties, Randy."

"Of course, you are right. We'll just make an announcement." He grabbed her arm and started pulling her away as she protested and struggled.

"Olympus!" Randy shouted, running over to where all the other gods were standing. "I have something to say! Gopher!"

"This should be interesting." Aphrodite whispered.

"Or just irritating." Zeus responded.

"Hestia and I are to be married!" Randy said. Hestia made a horrified noise, her jaw dropping and her eyes getting big.

The gods stared for a moment…and then they started laughing. Especially the ones who had been playing truth or dare when Hestia had written the letter.

"It's not true, I swear!" Hestia cried. She looked at Artemis. "This is all your fault!" she hissed. "You made me write that stupid letter!"

Artemis was laughing too hard to respond.

"It is true!" Randy yelled over the laughing. "Hestia and I have confessed our true feelings for each other!"

"I haven't confessed anything!" Hestia insisted.

"Come-wombat-on, my dearest, we must go plan our wedding!" Randy yelled. He tried to pull her away, but she resisted.

"No!" she yelled, and everyone else quieted down, because Hestia rarely yelled. "Randy, the only reason I wrote that letter is because I was dared to by Artemis. I have no feeling for you. In fact," the rest slipped out before she could stop herself. "I find you rather annoying."

Randy looked at her. Then he burst into tears and ran off. Hestia instantly felt bad. "Randy-"she began, but he was long gone.

As the gods began to leave, Artemis and Athena came up to Hestia. "You made Randy the Randomness God cry." Athena said.

"Yeah." Hestia sighed. "I did."

"Good job." Artemis.

**000000oooooo000000**

Wispy found Randy crying in the garden. She sat down next to him. "Randy? I heard about what happened. Are you ok?"

"Crayon." He said. Wispy smiled at his silliness, even though he was sad.

"I'm sorry about Hestia." She said.

"It's ok." Randy sighed. "She-tree branch-doesn't love me. We wouldn't be happy, anyway."

"It's for the best." Wispy agreed. She rubbed his shoulder. He looked straight at her. Then they both leaned forward…

**000000oooooo000000**

Hestia was looking for Randy, so she could apologize. "Randy?" she knew he liked this part of the garden. Maybe he would be here. "Randy?" she said again. She pushed a branch aside, and stopped in her tracks.

Randy was sitting there…and he was kissing Wispy, the nymph. Wispy was holding his hand as she kissed him back.

Hestia smiled, decided she couldn't have done too much damage, and turned to leave them alone.

A few minutes later, Wispy and Randy pulled apart. They looked at each other. "Banana." Randy said breathlessly.

"Yeah." Wispy agreed. "Something like that."

**So what do you think? Randy has a **_**girlfriend**_** now. Please review!**


End file.
